So, I think I’ve figured it out. I think a big draw to why I enjoyed being with Mackenzie was because I felt authentic. Like a was a real, legitimate person. Sure, everything I did and said was not perfect, but that is part of the draw. We did whatever together. And by that I literally mean anything.

With her I woke up in the morning to her bed head and drew meme’s of her many qualities. We had a routine of going to Starbucks and ordering Iced Caramel Macchiato’s upside down. (Venti) In total we drove over 1000 miles together. Our escapade to the Tri-Cities. Random peaks, hills, and church parking lots to photograph. Organization building property we snuck into, and then quickly drove off after being creeped out. Traveling every weekend to Coeur D’Alene. Me to DJ and hang with Rob, and her to visit her father. Yet we always had time to chill after. Our Huckleberry trips for Chia seed drinks, Crème brûlée, and cheesecake.  Attempts at sex in a Mini Cooper. (Which by the way, proved difficult) Our awkward first kiss and admittance of affection, to our month of silence after an argument. All of that was real, the good and the bad. All of that was me, no faking in attempt to please her. Yes, I was awkward as hell, A bit of a jerk, inconsiderate, pushed her away, and others at times. But that is something that I do not regret. It’s who I am, and I don’t expect anything more when trying to figure out how to deal with emotions. Course, not all of it was bad. I’m just stating that there was, in a very natural way.

I’m glad for that.